July 19, 2012 3:16 pm

Writing has always been my therapy.
I never really talked about things ….
When I was younger I’d write in my diary and leave it around so that someone would read it … So that they’d know what I was going through without me having to talk about it out loud …..

Im On the way to San Francisco
For a turn around trip …
To say good bye to my uncle,
My father’s brother who is on his death bed ; dying from cancer.

There is absolutely no love like the love between siblings.

I grew up in a house hold we’re I was the youngest of five .
Strange to a lot of people, we all have the same mom and dad .
Grew up sharing everything , doing everything together . Everything hand me down …No privacy …. No alone time , no quiet . I use to pray for the day I could get away and have my own space .

Often times it was just me and Miyagi and Jahi . And then just me and Miyagi downstairs at my grandmothers house . Smoking, chillin , watching Disney movies on VHS, arguing , staying out of each others business … . You know, big brother, little sister shit .

Dear #4,

When I had Nami and no place to stay, all 3 of us would sleep on ur futon …. I always ended up on the floor .

When we first found out u had a brain tumor . First heard about the cancer . You were so strong . You made it ok . You still were you… Joking, smiling …. It was easy to forget . It was easy to stay away and do my own thing ….
Easy to assume we’d grow old together and that all the ideas we shared would come to fruition ….
And that you’d be there for Nami’s prom and graduation …..

But

Just yesterday
Heard the nurses say
You only have
5 to 7 days

If that’s the case
It may be the same for me

I’m debating …

I can not make a distinction between the two of us .
See,
I’m 24 and you are 26
And in school they either thought we were dating or twins
Truth is,
We are best friends
Bart and Lisa Simpson

Miyagi , you taught me how to fight both physically and mentally
Taught me to laugh from my gut
And how to tell the best jokes

I prepared my whole life to lose a father or mother .
But never a brother .

And Everyone says …
“You aren’t alone …
you’re not the only person to have gone through this …. “
But the truth is,

I am

Because No one else has ever had you as a brother , like I have had you as a brother …

And everyone that knows you
Knows

They just know….

We called you baby Jesus, because as a baby … In a school play at Miyoko and Jamila’s school … You played the role of baby Jesus …

And you grew up to be a Saint in your own right .
I can’t think of one person who you haven’t made laugh uncontrollably , or one baby or animal that wasn’t naturally drawn to you .

I wrote and recorded a song for you, that ive been too nervous to play for you ….asking you to not give up ur fight and to stay with us longer ….but i realize I am being selfish ….

I am everything I am because of you.
You deserve the very best…
That maybe this world can’t offer you .
So I won’t complain and say that life isn’t fair .
I know that your bestfriend Brian is there waiting for you .
And I know you’ll be waiting for me too .

Ages, phases and stages …. no ends

Everything is always changing .
I’m finally doing the things I’ve always dreamed and I can feel you and I will always feel you giving me that extra push.

The Chilombo 5, for life!!!

Mommy, Miyoko, Jamila, and Jahi if you happen to stumble across and read this , thank you for being the best family any one could ask for . I am amazed by you guys strength right now .

Miyagi,
There is no such thing as losing you .
You will always be here as far as I’m concerned .

We don’t die , we multiply.

To infinity and beyond ∞

Love, #5

Sent from my iPhone